腐圈

[转]外国腐物

从豆瓣转来的，另外谢谢翻译大人，哈哈～

FML http://www.fmylife.com/ 大家把自己碰见的囧事糗事拿出来晒的地方~
其中看到几条腐物~

1.原文：Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type ‘virginia’ into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for ‘virgin boy assholes’. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I’m a young guy. FML

翻译：今天，我老板叫我去他的办公室，要给我看一个可能成为我们的商业伙伴的公司的网站。当他在谷歌里面打“Virginia”这个词的时候，网站把他的搜索自动补完成了他最近才搜索过的词条——“小处 男的菊花”。我明天就要和他一起出差。我是个年轻男人。

2.原文：Today, I found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML

翻译：今天，我发现我怀孕了。我已经和老公试了很长时间，所以我等不及要把这个好消息告诉他。当我推开他的办公室的门准备给他一个惊喜时，我看到他和一个男的在亲热。

3.原文：Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

翻译：今天，我结婚9年的老公告诉我说他是搞基的。他甚至还暗示我说，他和我在一起的时候能硬起来，是因为我长得比较爷们。

3.原文：Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said ‘Now, do me’. FML

翻译：今天，我男友和我决定试试X菊花。当他结束了以后，我转过身来，发现他面带微笑地拿着一个绑在腰带上的橡胶JJ，对我说：“现在来X我。”

4.原文：Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He’s barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, “Thanks for last night”, and leaves.

翻译：今天，我被我老爸突然造访我宿舍的敲门声所吵醒。我把门打开对着在门外的他打招呼，这时候我的室友脱光了衣服拉开了门，亲了我的脸颊，用一种超级搞基的声音说“昨晚你真棒”以后跑了。

5.原文：Today, I sent an email to my best friend, telling him that I’m gay. When I was typing the email address in the “to:” field, it autocorrected the address to my mother. She just responded: “you filthy faggot”. FML

翻译：“今天，我发了封邮件给我最好的朋友，告诉他我是同志。当我在输入“发送到：”那一栏的时候，系统给我自动更正成了我妈的邮件地址。她只回复了一句：“你这肮脏的蛆虫。”

6.原文：Today I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I’d been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver, they drank too much and on the way home hooked up in the back seat. FML

翻译：今天我和俩我感兴趣的男生泡吧。第一个是我这个学期一直想约的人，第二个是和我吃过一次饭、看起来还不错的男生。我被指定为司机，他们喝的是在是太多了，然后他们俩就在后座上勾搭上了。

7.原文：Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend’s and my parents suddenly ask if I’m gay. I reply that no, I’m bisexual. My mom then asks if I’ve ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says ‘I told you so. You owe me $20′. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML

翻译：今天，我正准备出门去朋友家，我父母突然问我是不是搞基的。我回答不是，澄清说我是双 性 恋。我妈又问我曾经是否和一个同性别的人亲热过，我回答是。然后她就跟我爸说：“看，我跟你说过了吧。你欠我20块。”我父母拿我的性 取向打赌。

8.原文：Today, I was running late for work so instead of walking the ten minutes to the office, I took a taxi. The driver took the opportunity to share the story of his first sexual experience with a man. In great detail. FML

翻译：今天，我上班要迟到了，所以我没去走那十分钟的路程而是打了辆出租车。这司机抓住这一大好时机，向我讲述了他第一次和男人OOXX的故事。具体而又生动。

9.原文：Today, my mom’s will was read to the rest of the family. I helped my mom write it a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans. She revised it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because I was gay. The executor read it out loud. My mom was the only one who knew. FML

翻译：今天，我妈的遗嘱被宣告给了全家人。我在几年前帮助我妈写的；我会得到一笔资金来付助学贷款。她自己把遗嘱给改了，注明说我啥也得不到因为我搞基。遗嘱执行人把这段大声朗读了出来。本来只有我妈一个人知道的。

10.原文：Today, I decided to introduce my girlfriend to my parents by telling them that we were gonna have a very special guest for dinner. While my mom was preparing the meal she asked, “What does he like?” I’m straight. My parents thought different. FML

翻译：今天，我决定把我的女朋友介绍给我的父母，就告诉他们晚餐的时候会有一位特殊的客人到场。我妈在做饭的时候问我：“他（注意是‘他’）什么样啊？”我取向正常。可我父母不这么想。

11.原文：Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think i’m gay and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

翻译：今天我和GF XXOO的时候不小心在高潮时把她叫成了布拉德（我室友的名字）。现在她和她的朋友都觉得我是基佬，布拉德搬出去了。

11.原文：Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask this really cute girl out I’ve had a crush on for over eight months. Turns out she isn’t a girl. FML

翻译：今天，我终于鼓起勇气，向一个非常可爱的女孩表白说已经喜欢她超过8个月了。结果我发现她不是女的。

12.原文：Today, the cops showed up to check out a child abuse complaint, I then had to spend an hour explaining that I had given my son a suppository. The neighbors heard him sobbing hysterically “Daddy, why did you put that in my butt? It hurts.” My neighbor had heard and thought I was raping my son. FML

翻译：今天，警 察来我家来调查一份虐 待儿童的投诉。然后我就花了一个多小时来解释我是帮我儿子上了栓剂（需要塞进菊花里的药）。我的邻居听见我的儿子歇斯底里地啜泣着：“爹地，为什么你要把那个放到我的屁股里？好痛……”我邻居听见了，以为我在强X我儿子。

13.原文：Today, I finally convinced my husband of 8 years to partake in a threesome with a guy that works with me and for which I have developed feelings. Everything was going well until in the heat of the moment my husband started performing oral sex on my colleague. I can’t face either of them now. FML

翻译：今天，我终于说服了我结婚8年的丈夫和我，还有我建立了感情的一个同事搞3P。一切顺利，直到做得很火热的时候我的老公开始给我的同事吹箫。我现在不能面对他们中的任何一个了。

14.原文：Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I’m the teacher, I’m gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML

翻译：今天，我在我的电脑上打一封情书。一个充满OOXX内容的情书。我坐在教室里面，我就是老师，我是同 性 恋，而且我的情书在我七年级的学生们考试的时候在大屏幕上显示了15分钟之久。

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